Around the time of my late 20s Saturn Return, I experienced what felt like a life-threatening breakdown of my psyche. I had a soul shock that hit me on such a deep level, that all my defenses shattered. This shattering left me temporarily without language. I couldn't see straight, with letters on signs mixed up, and my handwriting even changed.
It put me on the road to being spiritualized and I learned later that indigenous tribes might call it a shamanic initiation. For awhile I called it that, to give it a grander sound than just a "very bad break-up." It was a wound so deep it shattered me on some level that I wasn't in contact with before. This personal cracking open came to mind after an inspiring conversation I had recently with Adam Gainsburg of Soulsign Astrology.
I asked him for his take on "What's happening?" with an eye on people in crisis, possibly going through the times of chaos or "crazy." He likened it to "an earthquake in their structure." The individual or native (and it can be a company), he told me, breaks down when it's out of balance within itself, Number 1, and/or out of synch with the "operating environment" Number 2. And here's where I found resonance with my experience. He said it's when the change is "an undercutting for that native, that's DEEPER than that of the operating level."
I've heard this shift of the ages called a collective shamanic initiation which is one way to see all the meltdowns and spin outs people are having. Chaos is the part where the fragments are flying, and we've lost the footing under our feet. If you're having a personal earthquake, you can be at your most vulnerable. If you see yourself as newly hatched, you'll have the right measure of self-protection, and desire to try out your new land legs.
During that time when I lost my mind, I was lucky to live in San Francisco, a town with a shaman, crystal healer or reiki practitioner on every block. I knew my sickness was of the soul, and so went looking for soul healers.
I'm having that same desire again, to explore new modes of healing to meet the intensifying energies. And that's what led me to talking with Adam Gainsburg, who sees astrology as one tool in the toolbox. He's refreshingly unwed to astrological fixed ideas, saying, "It's the map, not the terrain." He moves through the terrain in other ways, one is through sound. His work fascinates me, as the future of this more holistic astrology. So I'll be sharing more of our discussion, and my own direct experience of his work in the near future.