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Cancer Woman & Aquarius Man

Intimacy and Freedom

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Young woman sitting on sofa, looking at distressed man at table
Noel Hendrickson
Early On

The extreme challenges in this match show up early and only deepen. Take the first few dates, for example. The Aquarius man goes out with a fixed idea of the destination, or wants to act on the fly. He's Uranian (ruler), a spontaneous guy with erratic moods. He's future man, always scanning the horizon for the next new thing.

Meanwhile, the Cancer woman likes to have some sense of where she's going -- what kind of people will be there, what's the atmosphere like, etc. She's rooted in the past, in some ways, always looking to build on what's familiar and what's tried and true. She closes up in her shell, if it feels like speed dating, or she feels exposed. She's looking to establish a rapport she can trust, before hitting the town together.

He prefers socially charged places, perhaps trendy clubs with dancing, or party hopping. The Cancer woman, on the other hand, has a need to feel out her date, and is easily overwhelmed. If she gets in a funk, from stimulation overload, he's not likely to be super sympathetic. It's possible he'll wander off, or end the date abruptly. If he's irritated by her need for a cozy landing place out and about, she'll check him off her list (unless she's a masochist). Bottom line is, sympathy and sensitivity to her needs, are what the female Crab craves most. And she only truly reveals herself in a relationship that feels emotionally safe. Can Aqua man give it to her? That will depend on his ability to understand her, and his own sense of what he needs in relationship.

Pacing Problems

I know from being a Cancer woman that we can act strange and disconnected in the beginning. The Cancer woman sends out feelers, to read Aqua man for depth, sincerity, and interest in her. He may be friendly and have a killer wit, but if there's no felt connection, she's not likely to open up. The shell never opens, and the connection goes nowhere fast.

It takes a while for the Lady Crab to know her own feelings about someone. Aquarians have a freer, more experimental approach to dating. They're interested most in any weird traits or tastes, and respect strong opinions. What's in common here is lunacy and changeability. Over time, and with genuine respect, love can grow from admiration for who the other is, as an individual.

Subjective and Objective

As a deeply feeling creature, the Cancer woman will want to talk about super personal things. They'll want to know about the Aquarians family, the waters out of which he sprang. To an Aquarian, this can feel shockingly invasive. Aquarians are private, and prefer to talk about generalities -- trends in society, causes, fashion, science, art, the space program. The Cancer woman can feel out of her comfort zone, in a purely intellectual conversation.

Cancer woman is not that impressed by facts, figures and sweeping social themes. She's also not keen to hear how many friends the Aqua man has on Facebook, or wait while he answers texts, or tweets about this or that. He'll soon get the cold shoulder, if he splits his focus, and leaves her flapping in the breeze.

Free Agent and Homebody

It's easy to see this going South, since Aqua man lives to dart hither and yon, and demands freedom in relationship. The Cancer woman should know that Aquarian men are so private, that you may have surprises sometime -- about other women he's seeing! This happened to a friend of mine, and she was met with a defiant attitude that bespoke his sense of having a right to do as he wishes. Especially, when there's no agreed upon level of commitment, he will likely consider himself a free agent.

Many love books advise Cancer woman to give Aqua man plenty of space. Aquarius is a sign known for its disappearing act, which the Cancer woman could find emotionally wrenching. The Cancer woman has her own needs, of emotional continuity, that a young Aquarian male on the go, may not have to give. This could be overcome, when the Aqua man is older and has satisfied his restless social soul enough to commit to one person. For truly, if there's a naturally monogamous sign, it's the homebody Cancer.

For the male Waterbearer to win the Crab, he'll want to show he's responsive to her moods and desires. The relationship flourishes, as they grow toward each other, with him becoming more settled and she quicker to take leaps with him. Like with all relationships, the key is trust, and building it up over time.

Water and Air

The Cancer woman moves in an intimate circle, while the Aqua man is socially insatiable, and thrives on making new friends with all kinds of people. There's a basic difference here, in relating, that will take a lot of patience and understanding to overcome.

The Cancer woman wants above all, bonded intimacy, with friends or lovers. On one level, she can trust Aqua man because of his uprightness, compassion, sense of equanimity. His objectivity can help her see herself and her world with more clarity.

If he's open to it, the Aquarius man can find that the Crab helps him open his heart. And in his closeness with the Cancer woman, he enters an intimacy with infinite dimensions. It's through the imagination, that they can go together to far-out places, and keep the relationship fresh and growing.

Notable Cancer Woman and Aquarius Man Pairs: Nancy Davis (Cancer) and Ronald Reagan (Aquarius); Natalie Wood (Cancer) and James Dean (Aquarius); Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner (Aquarius); Charles Lindbergh (Aquarius) and Anne Morrow (Cancer); Diana Rigg (Cancer) and Patrick Macnee (Aquarius)

Quotes from Aquarius Men/Cancer Women:
  • "To a person in love, the value of the individual is intuitively known. Love needs no logic for its mission." Aviator (Aquarian) Charles Lindbergh
  • "I feel we are all islands - in a common sea." Author (Cancer) Anne Morrow Lindbergh
  • "The only real security is not in owning or possessing, not in demanding or expecting, not in hoping, even. Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is now." Anne Morrow Lindbergh
  • "Almost every girl falls in love with the wrong man, I suppose it's part of growing up." Actress (Cancer) Natalie Wood
  • "For the first time I feel an inner emotional security. There is reality and dependability. My life revolves around Richard and the baby." Natalie Wood
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